How to Deal with Toxic People, Self-Care, and Healthy Boundaries

By Venita Adams
January 6, 2024

Toxic people are those who hurt your well-being, happiness, and peace of mind. They may be manipulative, abusive, dishonest, disrespectful, or untrustworthy. They may also create drama, conflict, or stress in your life.

Dealing with toxic people can be challenging, but not impossible. In this blog post, we’ll explore some of the strategies you can use to handle toxic people in your life, and how to set healthy boundaries for yourself. We’ll also discuss the importance of self-care, and how to practice it regularly.

What are healthy boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself and others, to protect your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Boundaries help you define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in your relationships, and how you want to be treated.

Healthy boundaries are clear, firm, and respectful. They are based on your needs, wants, and values. They are not rigid, but flexible and adaptable to different situations. They are not selfish, but self-respecting. They are not imposed but communicated and agreed upon.

Healthy boundaries allow you to:

Have a clear sense of who you are, what you want, and what you value.
Respect yourself and others, and expect the same in return.
Communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully, and listen to others’ boundaries as well.
Say “no” when you need to, without feeling guilty or afraid.
Take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, and don’t blame others for them.
Don’t let others take advantage of you, or take advantage of others.
Feel comfortable and confident in your relationships, and enjoy them.

How to set healthy boundaries with toxic people?

Setting healthy boundaries with toxic people can be difficult, especially if you have a history of being mistreated, abused, or neglected by them. However, it is possible and necessary, if you want to protect your well-being, happiness, and peace of mind. Here are some steps you can take to set healthy boundaries with toxic people:

Identify the toxic people in your life, and how they make you feel. Pay attention to your emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations when you interact with them. Do you feel anxious, angry, sad, or guilty? Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells, or hide your true self? Do you feel drained, exhausted, or sick? These are some signs that you are dealing with a toxic person.
Decide what your boundaries are, and why they are important to you. Think about what you need, want, and value in your relationships, and what makes you feel comfortable and safe. Write them down, if it helps. For example, you may decide that you don’t want to be lied to, insulted, or ignored by the toxic person and that you want to be treated with honesty, respect, and attention.
Communicate your boundaries to the toxic person, and how you expect them to respect them. Use assertive communication, and avoid blaming, accusing, or criticizing. Be specific, clear, and respectful. For example, you may say something like, “I feel hurt when you lie to me, and I don’t want to be lied to anymore. I expect you to be honest with me, or I will not trust you.” or “I feel disrespected when you insult me, and I don’t want to be insulted anymore. I expect you to be respectful to me, or I will not talk to you.”
Enforce your boundaries and the consequences if they are crossed. If the toxic person crosses your boundaries, let them know, and remind them of your boundaries and expectations. If they continue to cross your boundaries, take action, such as limiting your contact, ending the relationship, or seeking help. For example, you may say something like, “You lied to me again, and I told you I don’t want to be lied to anymore. I don’t trust you, and I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” or “You insulted me again, and I told you I don’t want to be insulted anymore. I don’t respect you, and I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Respect their boundaries, and don’t cross them. Ask the toxic person what their boundaries are, and listen to them. Respect their boundaries, and don’t cross them. If you do, apologize, and try not to repeat it. For example, you may say something like, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I won’t do that again.” or “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was important to you. I won’t do that again.”

How to practice self-care when dealing with toxic people?

Self-care is the act of taking care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Self-care helps you cope with stress, improve your well-being, and prevent burnout. Self-care is especially important when dealing with toxic people, as they can drain your energy, lower your self-esteem, and make you feel unhappy.

Self-care is different for everyone, depending on your preferences, needs, and resources. However, some general ways to practice self-care when dealing with toxic people are:

Get enough sleep. Sleep is essential for your health, mood, and performance. Aim for seven to nine hours of quality sleep every night, and follow a regular sleep schedule. Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and screens before bed, and make your bedroom comfortable and dark.
Eat well. Nutrition affects your energy, mood, and health. Eat a balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, healthy fats, and water. Avoid or limit processed foods, added sugars, salt, and alcohol. Eat mindfully, and enjoy your food.
Exercise regularly. Physical activity boosts your mood, energy, and health. Aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per week or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity exercise per week. Choose an activity that you enjoy, and vary your routine. You can also incorporate physical activity into your daily life, such as taking the stairs, walking, or stretching.
Relax and have fun. Relaxation and recreation are important for your mental and emotional well-being. They help you reduce stress, recharge, and enjoy life. Find ways to relax and have fun that suits you, such as reading, listening to music, meditating, playing games, gardening, or spending time with your pets.
Connect with others. Social connection is vital for your well-being, happiness, and resilience. It helps you feel supported, understood, and valued. Connect with people who care about you, and who make you feel good. You can call, text, video chat, or meet them in person, depending on your situation. You can also join a community, club, or group that shares your interests or values.
Learn and grow. Learning and growing are essential for your personal and professional development. They help you expand your knowledge, skills, and perspectives. They also challenge you, stimulate you, and inspire you. Learn and grow by reading, taking a course, attending a workshop, trying something new, or pursuing a hobby or passion.
Be kind to yourself. Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, especially when you are suffering, struggling, or making mistakes. Self-compassion helps you cope with difficulties, improve your self-esteem, and motivate yourself. Be kind to yourself by acknowledging your feelings, speaking to yourself positively, and giving yourself a break.

FAQs

Here are some common questions and answers about dealing with toxic people, self-care, and healthy boundaries.

Q: How do I know if I have healthy boundaries?

A: Healthy boundaries are different for everyone, depending on your personality, culture, and context. However, some general signs of healthy boundaries are:

You have a clear sense of who you are, what you want, and what you value.
You respect yourself and others, and expect the same in return.
You communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully, and listen to others’ boundaries as well.
You say “no” when you need to, without feeling guilty or afraid.
You take responsibility for your own actions and emotions, and don’t blame others for them.
You don’t let others take advantage of you, or take advantage of others.
You feel comfortable and confident in your relationships, and enjoy them.

Q: How do I set boundaries with my family, partner, friends, or co-workers?

A: Setting boundaries with different people in your life may require different approaches, depending on the type and level of relationship you have with them. However, some general steps are:

Identify your boundaries. Think about what you need, want, and value in your relationships, and what makes you feel comfortable and safe. Write them down, if it helps.
Communicate your boundaries. Tell the other person what your boundaries are, and why they are important to you. Use assertive communication, and avoid blaming, accusing, or criticizing. Be specific, clear, and respectful.
Enforce your boundaries. If the other person crosses your boundaries, let them know, and remind them of your boundaries and expectations. If they continue to cross your boundaries, take action, such as limiting your contact, ending the relationship, or seeking help.
Respect their boundaries. Ask the other person what their boundaries are, and listen to them.

Conclusion

Remember, you have the right to choose who you want to be around, and how you want to be treated. You also have the responsibility to respect yourself and others, and communicate your boundaries clearly and respectfully. By doing so, you can create a healthier and happier life for yourself and those you love.